Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
