My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
