His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
