My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
This is my life. Enjoy the view
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
