the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
