Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize