I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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