I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
