Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
