Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
