Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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