you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
