We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
