You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
