So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
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He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
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The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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