New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
