Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Randomize
