Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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