smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
