Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She even gives head with a lisp.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
