i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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