mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
time to smoke my breakfast
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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