suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize
