Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
you never un-have a 4some
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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