Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
