don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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