my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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