my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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