I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
