i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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