So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
