dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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