I think I died a long time ago.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
