OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
