can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
