tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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