Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
