i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
