yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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