That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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