mondays should just be called national damage control day
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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