Moan for me like Helen Keller
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
