I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
