There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
