talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm just crazy horny about you
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
