I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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