Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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