Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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