I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize