Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
