you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
