Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
