Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
PANTIES FOUND
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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