Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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