If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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