i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
