I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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