Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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