Texts From Last Night

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  (848): View more from New Jersey

  I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa

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  (848): I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa http://tfl.nu/605l
  Replies (152) Good night (5940) Bad night (57586)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.

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  (706): That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night. http://tfl.nu/8vqf
  Replies (10) Good night (5004) Bad night (872)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"

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  (503): But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers" http://tfl.nu/x36v
  Replies (6) Good night (2667) Bad night (822)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.

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  (405): I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway. http://tfl.nu/1jw1
  Replies (11) Good night (2762) Bad night (1386)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again

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  (201): I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again http://tfl.nu/h58y
  Replies (18) Good night (1811) Bad night (1456)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon

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  (859): She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon http://tfl.nu/ch80
  Replies (5) Good night (1539) Bad night (543)
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.

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  (907): This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow. http://tfl.nu/qu4g
  Replies (3) Good night (3404) Bad night (497)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.

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  (815): I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex. http://tfl.nu/6un6
  Replies (11) Good night (1538) Bad night (502)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.

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  (405): I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation. http://tfl.nu/hpn0
  Replies (2) Good night (1204) Bad night (396)
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!

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  (715): It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful! http://tfl.nu/m6vl
  Replies (1) Good night (575) Bad night (209)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.

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  (615): I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher. http://tfl.nu/1rku
  Replies (4) Good night (384) Bad night (439)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.

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  (423): I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth. http://tfl.nu/tx5e
  Replies (3) Good night (236) Bad night (667)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.

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  (304): Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination. http://tfl.nu/22p5
  Replies (4) Good night (356) Bad night (146)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency

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  (905): I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency http://tfl.nu/kfxd
  Replies (2) Good night (240) Bad night (801)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...

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  (519): sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain... http://tfl.nu/qwc4
  Replies (0) Good night (550) Bad night (202)

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