im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
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Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
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Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?