Texts From Last Night

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  (620): View more from Kansas

  my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"

  (785): View more from Kansas

  you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?

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  (620): my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!" (785): you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me? http://tfl.nu/e8og
  Replies (37) Good night (1038) Bad night (3829)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left

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  (713): on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left http://tfl.nu/gb7d
  Replies (57) Good night (13473) Bad night (1321)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out

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  (860): I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out http://tfl.nu/wth6
  Replies (4) Good night (940) Bad night (5512)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.

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  (+44): You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack. http://tfl.nu/2spc
  Replies (12) Good night (4237) Bad night (1119)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.

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  (503): Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment. http://tfl.nu/acr2
  Replies (7) Good night (1835) Bad night (1083)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way

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  (508): Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way http://tfl.nu/8wap
  Replies (5) Good night (2353) Bad night (1005)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.

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  (701): He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon. http://tfl.nu/hvqj
  Replies (5) Good night (1664) Bad night (840)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...

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  (+61): Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones... http://tfl.nu/dtoz
  Replies (4) Good night (2833) Bad night (801)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best

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  (847): I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best http://tfl.nu/7i53
  Replies (7) Good night (2189) Bad night (1385)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...

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  (425): He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by... http://tfl.nu/ardl
  Replies (6) Good night (1861) Bad night (649)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  You're just horny.

  (1-401): View more from Rhode Island

  Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.

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  (401): You're just horny. (1-401): Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps. http://tfl.nu/yzld
  Replies (6) Good night (2910) Bad night (773)
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out

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  (828): Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out http://tfl.nu/cm81
  Replies (0) Good night (1074) Bad night (445)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.

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  (406): I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners. http://tfl.nu/nx0p
  Replies (0) Good night (737) Bad night (367)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...

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  (215): Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment... http://tfl.nu/6162
  Replies (1) Good night (613) Bad night (316)
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese

  (818): View more from California

  They know nothing, John Stoned.

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  (323): My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese (818): They know nothing, John Stoned. http://tfl.nu/apa6
  Replies (2) Good night (935) Bad night (311)

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