Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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