The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
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after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
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Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter