i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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