Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
