what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
