btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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