I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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