Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
