Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
