My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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