Tell her she can't have a vagina
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
